Sweet, Actually
by Julimond
Summary: Jack plus doohickey equals doom.


Category: Christmas fic, SJ UST

Content warnings: some curse words, nothing bad; oh, and it might be a tad silly at times

Season: set in Season 7 (for no particular reason other than Daniel being in it and I didn't want Jack to be a General yet. I don't know why. That's just me being weird. Oh, and it's before Pete ever existed!)

Spoilers: the "incident" in Divide and Conquer is mentioned. Other than that you should know that Sam has a brother who's married.

Disclaimer: Characters not mine, no infringement intended, yadda yadda

Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by a scene in "Love Actually," one of my all time fav Christmas movies. For those of you who know the film, you'll get the homage (*cough* blatant rip-off *cough*), for those of you who don't, well…go watch the movie, it's good!

Written Christmas 2009.

"Sweet, Actually"

So, this was awkward.

Thank God, nobody else had seen it, or, in fact, would ever see it.

It was going to be his little secret, a secret he was going to take to his grave. Not that he intended to die anytime soon, but, really, he'd keep it until he was ancient…not *Ancient* ancient, just old and dying…

Ah hell, he was beginning to irritate himself.

No matter what, it was never allowed to get into *her* hands. She'd kill him if she found out.

So, where to hide it? Should he destroy it? Throw it away? Cut it up? Burn it? Well, he didn't have to take such drastic measures, did he? It was only a tape after all. If he just stuck it right there on his bookshelf next to "The Simpsons" box set, she would never notice it. Just another old VHS.

It was her fault anyway. She had given him the video camera for his birthday. "So you have something to play with on boring missions…sir," she had explained with an evil twinkle in her eyes. He knew better, of course. By occupying him with a toy, she (and Daniel for that matter) would have better chances at getting their work done on said missions.

So, like a good little soldier, he'd accepted the gift, knowing her intentions full well, but choosing to ignore them. After all, it wasn't often he got presents from Carter, so, even though this one was bestowed upon him partially out of desperation, he wasn't going to complain.

Plus, it was shiny and had lots of buttons. Heh. What more could a guy ask for?

That's why, trying not to look too eager (and failing miserably), he'd immediately taken it with him to last week's SGC Christmas party at O'Malley's in town.

He didn't really like parties, or Christmas for that matter. But it had given him a good excuse to just sit on the sidelines, drink one beer after another, and "experiment" with his new toy.

And it had actually been fun. Especially because everyone he knew from base had looked at him funny. (After all, him + doohickeys = doom).

Except Carter, of course. In fact, she had been very excited that he was using her gift "for good deeds" (i.e. documenting the party) as opposed to "evil" (i.e. pranks). Yeah…about that…

Anyways, so he had been glad to be of service (heh!) and filmed away all night. Up to and including half of his team's drunken attempt at karaoke, at which point he'd had a hard time keeping the camera still since he'd been laughing his ass off.

Both Daniel and Carter couldn't carry a tune when they were stone sober (his ears still hurt from his birthday), so when there was alcohol involved, his two brainiacs were beyond hopeless. But quite hilarious. He'd never be able to listen to "White Christmas" in the same way again.

So, yeah, all in all, it had been fun.

Until now.

He'd made himself comfortable in front of his TV to watch the footage he'd shot when he noticed it. Boy, really? Was he that pathetic? Hey, some of it looked quite artistic, but he wasn't sure Carter would agree. He hadn't even realized what he was doing. Well, he could blame it on the camera, right?

Of course, she'd chosen that moment to visit and knock on his front door. Like lightening, he'd pulled the tape out of the VCR, and, well, here he was. Trying to hide the evidence.

"Sir? Are you home?"

Damn it! Okay, the bookshelf it was then.

"Yes, Carter, give me a minute!"

Since when did she show up at his house anyway? And during the holidays for that matter?

Insistent knocking. Oh, front door, right!

"Hey Carter. What brings you by?" In that outfit no less. What was it with her looking incredible in blue tops? Could it have something to do with the fact that they matched her eye color? Not that he'd notice.

"Hi sir, sorry to bother you. I was just…in the neighborhood…and I was thinking…"

"Shocker." A smile. Heh.

"…Didn't you use the camera I gave you to film the SGC Christmas party?"

Crap! "Um, yes. Why?"

"Well, it's just that, if you don't mind, I'd like to make a copy of your tape so I can show it to my sister-in-law."

Uh…

"It's really stupid, but, you see, she'd given me that white top and she made me swear to show her proof that I actually wore it. And the photographer's stuff came out all messed up. I'd like to actually have an image where I don't look completely turquoise."

Uh…

Double crap! "Yeah, about that…I'm sorry, Carter, but I honestly don't know where that tape went. Wasn't that good anyway. I was just kinda experimenting…"

"But sir, you were filming all night. I'm sure, not everything looks bad."

Damn it, she was walking towards the bookshelf. Diversion, quick!

"Look, I'll try to find it for you later. Send you a copy. Aren't you leaving for your brother's today?"

"I am. But if I show up there without proof of having worn Anna's, my sister-in-law's, super-expensive silk blouse, she is going to kill me."

Ah, she was looking at the bookshelf now. Not good!

Touching! Always a good way to distract her. "Like I said, I'm sorry, Carter, but I must have misplaced it. You know how I get…"

Wait, where was she? No! Browsing through his tapes! He was so dead!

An indulgent smile. D'oh!

"Could it be this tape, sir? The one that is labeled 'SGC Christmas party?'"

Craaaaaaap! Why did he have to have such a labeling fetish anyway? His whole house looked like a dump, but every damn file or tape was labeled and categorized alphabetically. If he could kick himself he would do it.

"Oh, wow, you're good! Didn't even think to look there…" Way to make yourself look even dumber than you are, O'Neill. But wait! Not the VCR!

"Do you mind, sir? I just want to see if I can use any of this."

Mind? Did he mind? Did he mind that she felt comfortable enough to just barge into his home, snoop around and sit on his couch to watch something on his VCR? Of course not! Did he mind that it was going to be this particular tape? Hell, yeah! She was going to kill him!

"It's just, you know, it's really not good. Needs some editing here and there, you know…, stuff…?"

Too late! Too late! There she was…

"Oh, perfect, sir!" (Heh. Again. But no! Bad thoughts at very inopportune moment!) "That's exactly what I was looking for. Anna is going to be so pleased!"

Oh. God. Anytime now she would notice. Yep. Soooooo screwed.

"Hey! I look quite pretty." Self-conscious smile. Damn, and had she ever looked pretty. One of the reasons he had been so thankful to be playing with his camera was that it had kept him from going up to her, running his hands along that silky blouse, and ravishing her in the middle of the bar.

He was going to kill her sister-in-law.

If he survived this evening.

"Oh."

Yep. There it was. She'd realized.

"It's all me."

Could he turn any more crimson? God, he thought he'd left moments of utter embarrassment like that behind in high school.

"The footage is all of me."

And yeah, was it ever. What had possessed him? He hadn't even realized what he was doing at the time, but there it was. The evidence of his unprofessional creepiness. A video cassette with hours of footage covering every inch of Samantha Carter's body. Lots of close-ups. Especially of her eyes. (He was a sucker for those.) Her mouth talking, her face smiling, laughing, even crying (after Hammond's speech). Hell, he'd even filmed her while she was dancing with Daniel.

If the floor could open up and swallow him *right now*, he'd be eternally grateful.

Yeah, no such luck.

Damn it, but he couldn't gauge her reaction. She was still sitting there, staring at the screen, alive with images of herself. Was she pissed? Embarrassed? Did she think it was cute? (Yeah, right.)

Okay, she was standing up. Brace yourself!

A little embarrassed. And avoiding his eyes. Of course. Way to ruin the relatively normal relationship they had established in the past few years after getting over that cursed Za'tarc fiasco.

She was talking. "You know, on second thought…" (God, why hadn't she hit him yet?) "Maybe my sister-in-law will be satisfied with the photos I already have. She'll realize it was her blouse I was wearing, even with the green tint to it…"

She was babbling. He knew it, and she knew it. Quick, how to diffuse a monumentally awkward situation?

"Yeah. Tell her you thought the color went better with your eyes…or something…"

Classic, O'Neill, really.

Well, it prompted a tentative smile at least. Phew.

"I think I'd better go."

Yes. Retreat to safer (and less humiliating) territory. Good idea, Carter. But…

"Carter. Listen…I'm sorry, this was really dumb…I shouldn't have…I'll throw it away, I promise…"

Huh. Her finger on his lips. What?

"Shh. Don't." A shy smile. "It's sweet, actually."

Again, what?

And before he knew it, she brushed her lips against his. He didn't even have time to react.

"Merry Christmas, sir." And she was gone.

Um…

Yeah…

Right…

Damn…

No huge, honking badass was going to be able to wipe *that* grin off his face for a looooong time.

Sweet indeed.

thE enD


End file.
